Zoinks!

 My motivation for all of my work regarding the paranormal is pretty simple, I am interested in it, I want to learn more about it, and I want to help and educate others. A considerable number of people become involved with the paranormal because they see it as an opportunity to begin a career in either reality TV, or to promote their other professional endeavors, be it books, radio shows, or merchandise. It's not necessarily a bad business move, the paranormal has been an increasingly more prevalent topic among popular TV shows, books, and movies. From Twilight, Paranormal Activity, to Ghost Hunters our society is fascinated by all things paranormal.

Unfortunately, it doesn't take long to realize that almost all of the women on these paranormal reality shows were cast because they are ridiculously good looking, and probably not because they were the most capable, knowledgeable investigators the production company could find. This is truly a disservice to women who work in the field of paranormal research, and investigations. It reduces us to a commodity, and an accessory to accompany the "real" investigators. If you've ever tuned into these shows, you will notice that the men are very rarely as attractive as the women. Jason Hawes, Dustin Pari, and Britt Griffith are definitely not eye candy, certainly not when compared to Kris Williams. A quick google search reveals that most of these women are actors, models, or even made appearances in porn. For example, Jael De Pardo from "Fact or Faked" has been modeling since the age of 4, and it doesn't take long to find pictures of her scantily clad in lingerie and bikinis, nothing about her career screams "qualified paranormal investigator". 

These are the images that paranormal radio "Cryptomundo" used to advertise their interview with her. A clear indicator of how they wanted to portray her, and what they found most interesting about her. It is a shame, because I am sure she is much more interesting that her breasts.

As a woman, I have always found this to be incredibly frustrating, however in my earlier years I made the mistake of placing the blame on the actresses themselves. While I still don't agree with their choices, they are not the ones solely responsible for perpetuating this inequality in the paranormal entertainment business, the issue is much larger and the blame falls onto the entertainment industry at large. I don't see a resolution to this issue coming in the near future, sex sells a little too well, and even the backlash of disappointed fans isn't enough of a motivator for production companies to put a little more reality in their programs.

Oh God, I even have Velma's haircut...

 It would seem that I am a "Velma" in a world of "Daphnes", I sympathize quite a bit with the character of Velma Dinkley of the Scooby Doo franchise. She is slightly awkward, dons baggy sweaters, her romantic encounters are zero, and she is intelligent with a knack for science and historical research. On the other end of the spectrum, we have Daphne Blake, the wealthy socialite, token damsel in distress, with gorgeous hair and a tight fitting dress. I, unfortunately, couldn't be a Daphne, even if I tried. Unless, maybe, I hit the gym, bought myself some boobs, a tummy tuck, a new nose, and employed the help of a personal stylist. Even if I could do all of those things, I really wouldn't want to. I would much rather lead with my education and ability than I would be judged foremost by my outer appearance. My resume should speak louder than a portfolio of sexy head shots, but I am not naive. I know that in the entertainment business, appearance and ability in front of the camera are of significant importance. But, I do not think that finding women who are genuine investigators, who are good on camera, and are still attractive enough to be popular on TV is impossible.


While I may not be seeking a career in television, or film, as a woman this issue is still incredibly important to me. This affects the world of investigations off screen as well, as I have seen first hand groups of women trying to be "sexy" investigators, clinging to any gimmick they can grab a hold of, because it is the only way they believe they will be successful. When I first began investigating, I was told to "tone down" my appearance, to not wear make up on investigations, to not wear dresses to events, etc. I found this to be completely ridiculous because none of those things we inhibiting my ability to conduct myself on investigations, walk throughs, meetings, etc. As I became more involved in the paranormal community, I heard conversations about different female investigator's appearances on more than one occasion, oddly enough, not once was I around to hear the discussion of a male investigators appearance, or whether or not it was appropriate. If we want change, we will have to start with ourselves, and hope that Hollywood catches on.

Happily Ever After

As a young girl, our heads are filled with stories that end with "Happily Ever After", that magical turning point in life where all your troubles are swept away. Often, these stories circulate around a love story, and that turning point is often the moment when two people finally come together, totally in love, and ride off into the sunset. I was raised to believe that happiness can be attained, and that once you find it, its yours. Around this time last year, I was incredibly unhappy. I was at the point of complete dissatisfaction with everything around me, and I wanted change. I was determined to put together all the pieces needed to reach my happily ever after, and no, this was not solely about romance. I wanted to find out what I needed to do to make myself the person I wanted to be, needed to be, to be happy.

I decided that I would make a list of resolutions for the new year, and for those of you that are groaning at the happily ever after crap, and the fact that I make new years resolutions, hang tight, Ghost Girl isn't totally pathetic. In fact, starting this blog was one of my resolutions...among the rest were things like "be positive", "go out more often", "attend a Blazers game", "break ties with the negative people in my life", etc. With these resolutions, I found a new motivation for my life and I felt that much closer to finding my "happily ever after". I found a love for the Portland Trail Blazers, and spent many nights in the cheap seats, cheering enthusiastically for a team which played mere minutes from my house, but that I had never taken the time to follow. I joined a new paranormal investigation team, where I found new faith in myself as an investigator, and for the first time in a long time, I felt respected in this field. While I may have promised this wasn't solely about romance, I didn't say it wasn't a factor. I'm sure you can imagine the struggle of meeting someone when your nickname is "Ghost Girl", and you spend your free evenings in the local cemetery. So, I did something that surprised everyone I know, myself included, and took up online dating. I hate dating, I am a socially awkward nerd, and I was admittedly terrified of putting myself out there. But I did it, I received countless creepy emails, far more hate mail about the paranormal than I could have expected, I was stood up more times than I care to admit, had my fair share of bad dates, and never found love. I did however find a new sense of hope, while I may not have had any success this round, I learned that even I, the nerdy girl with social anxiety, could handle dating. With all these resolutions, I saw my life change in ways I couldn't have imagined, and I have realized that I have changed too.

Now, a year later, I found myself feeling somewhat defeated. I felt as though I had failed to reach my ultimate goal, because I hadn't found all the pieces to complete this puzzle that was happiness. So, I was at the drawing board once again. I began crafting new tasks for myself, making a checklist of all the things I thought I needed to accomplish to make me happy. Among these, were things like "get a new job", "make more money", "lose weight", and some more trivial things. While I did this, I wondered when I would finally reach this goal I felt I was so tirelessly pursuing. Somewhere along that train of that, I had a moment, you know those "A-ha" moments like Oprah has, and I realized that my thinking needed to change. I was frustrated because I had set for myself an unattainable goal of somehow having all the pieces of my life, perfectly aligned at once. It was this school of thought that made me forget all the happiness I had along the way this year. I focused on all the work I had put forth, and instead of being proud of myself, I was upset, because I felt owed a happy life in return. You know those dumb quotes, the ones people are always plastering on greeting cards? Well, I am about to use one, if you don't like it-bite me,  here it goes: Happiness is a Journey, not a Destination.

I will never have a"Happily Ever After" if I am looking for something that I can put together that will satisfy me for the rest of my life. I am ever evolving, and my idea of happiness will have to keep up. I can be happy for the rest of my life, it just won't come from making myself, and my life, "perfect".  It will come from finding happiness in my life, even in the imperfect moments. I am so much happier with who I am today, than who I was a year go, and I want to maintain that trend. That drawing board is calling my name once again, this time to craft a better set of resolutions for the coming year. I am so looking forward to it. 

Adults Only

I am both young, and small. I stand at barely 5'2", and I have been told that I have a "youthful appearance". While I may appreciate this when I hit middle age, at 20, it is quite the inconvenience. There is nothing enjoyable about feeling like a child compared to the other people I work with. Even when I find myself in the company of friends, I feel the weight of my youth on my shoulders. In the last year, I have felt more hindered by my age than ever before. I have literally been unable to participate in events, investigations or other opportunities because I was under 21, though I am happy to say soon this will no longer be an issue. But, this burden is much more than legal restrictions. Because of my age, I often question whether or not  it is appropriate for me to do many things, I do not yet feel established enough or worthy of many of the dreams I have. I am constantly seeking the keys to adulthood, something I  feel I have not yet earned. Every day, I carefully consider my actions, and whether or not they serve the purpose of making me an adult. I am sure, that these concerns live for the most part within my own head, and that the feelings I experience of immaturity, unworthiness, and discomfort, are more the product of my own over anxious mind than the result of the treatment I receive from those I encounter. But, I have found myself in situations where I, and my work were belittled because of my age. For example, as I mentioned in previous blogs, I started seriously working in this field at the age of eighteen.Shortly after joining a local team, I attended a Chip Coffey event in Portland, I was ecstatic about the opportunity to meet other local investigators. But I was disappointed to be met by people more interested in a pissing match rather than genuine conversation. There, I met "Bob", yeah lets go with Bob, a middle aged investigator from Oregon. Bob rattled off some impressive stats about his team, claiming they processed dozens of cases each year, and that they had expanded all over the state. When I shared with him my own experience, he responded with something along the lines of "That's nice, Kid" followed by a condescending pat on my shoulder. While that was my first encounter of that sort, it certainly wasn't my last.

Over the years, I have struggled most with trying to make others comfortable with my age either by attempting to never make them feel the age difference , or by weak attempts of humor to mask how uncomfortable I often feel. I have spent far too much time trying to win the approval of others, and too little on trying to work on myself. I let my age became my weak spot, and I have recently realized how ridiculous this can be. I can no longer give others that kind of power over me, and I have to own the fact that I am more often than not the youngest person in the room. While, I may not have as many years under my belt, or have been through the same life experiences others have, I still consider myself both relevant and knowledgeable. I have to let go of my concerns, and put myself out there so others can realize that even at 20, I have a lot to offer this field. Most importantly, I have to realize that myself.

Death.

Death is fascinating. There is no denying, that we all on some level are fascinated by not only our own mortality, but by the demise of others.  In this field, I spend a lot of time talking death, what happens we die, and how people have died. I am unapologetically comfortable with death, it doesn't frighten or disgust me, and I will probably at some point make you feel uneasy with my openness and desire to talk about it. However, it should be understood that I am disconnected emotionally, and find it important to remain respectful while discussing the life and death of another human being.

It is a personal struggle of mine, to find an appropriate balance while doing my own research for my History degree, or while working on research for a paranormal investigation. I never want my interests to make me look like a sadistic sociopath. But sometimes, its hard to discuss tragic events that have occurred at a reportedly haunted location without appearing offensive, or disconnected from the events. Recently, I was listening to another investigator discuss the history of a location we would be investigating. In part of his speech, he relayed the story of a homeless man freezing to death on the exterior steps of the building, which he described excitedly as "cool", and even confronted with some negative reactions from the crowd, he persisted that he thought it was great because it was a more recent death than the others.

 It was an eye opening moment for me, because I knew I could have unintentionally said something just as offensive.  It's too easy to cross the line in paranormal investigations, we all need to make an ongoing commitment to evaluate our investigation practices to make sure we are not only serving our clients in the best way possible, but also that we treating the spirits we encounter with dignity whether that is in our communication with them, or our research of their lives. Tragic events can be intriguing, fascinating, and downright entertaining but we can't forget that they were also life changing, awful events that caused heartache.

Love, Light and all that crap.

I sometimes find myself wondering how others must perceive me, the sometimes foul mouthed, outspoken, godless young adult in a field full of so many spiritual people waving Sage and crystals. I'm not entirely a lost cause, I enjoy reading up on the spirituality, and learning about other peoples practices, you just won't find me meditating in a room that reeks of patchouli anytime soon. I'm just not good at expressing myself that way, I am not one to talk about white light on Facebook, or post statuses proclaiming my love for the universe, instead most of my social media is cluttered with cat pictures and me bitching about my commute. So, I began to worry.

My new years resolution was to be a more positive, loving person. I wanted to let go of my judgments of other people, humble myself as an investigator, and "rebrand" my image. But here it is, practically November and while I internally changed my thought process, I don't know how well that has translated to the public. I thought about how I could emulate the behavior I saw that others seemed to appreciate and enjoy, then I stopped myself, I want to my original self, not a copy.

So here it is, I don't think that you have to be into New Age music, work with white light, or smudge with sage to be a positive person. I have given up on trying to fit other peoples ideas of what I should do on investigations, with clients, or anything else paranormal to be considered "positive". I'm not one to sing kumbaya while holding hands, I won't be reciting a prayer to open or close my investigations, and when I mediate, I don't do it sitting cross legged on the floor, I'm usually laying in bed listening to a Nirvana album. But at the end of the day, I'd like to think I still manage to be a pretty caring person, I will always be honest with you (brutally honest at times), and I will treat you how I'd like to be treated. I'll still say f#ck way more than is socially acceptable and make slightly offensive jokes, but that just comes with the territory of being my friend.

No Trespassing

Halloween is my favorite time of year, as someone who doesn't practice religion, I miss out on all the winter holidays, and Thanksgiving just isn't a big deal in my house. During the month of October, I get more attention from friends, family, and coworkers all suddenly more interested in the paranormal during this time of year. There are countless events, parties, and "ghost hunts" being promoted, as the public falls all over themselves to get in on the spooky action. There is a lot of fun to be had around Halloween, go on a ghost tour, partake in a local team's public investigation, tell spooky stories, just don't go messing around where you shouldn't be. On a regular basis, people will come to me with an invitation to join them at an "abandoned" location, be it a hospital, insane asylum, cemetery, home, whatever. I feel bad as I watch the glee in their eyes about the possible adventure fade as they notice the sour look on my face. Often, this is the moment where I go into a short rant about how locations aren't "abandoned", trespassing laws, etc. I am the wet blanket on Halloween mischief.

I am not the first, and I surely won't be the last to talk about ethical investigating, but never the less here we are.

I thought it went without saying that as adults, we should not be trespassing on private property to conduct investigations. I mean, seriously? I expect mischievous teenagers to hop cemetery fences, with cheap beer and a oujia board in tow, not grown men and women.

I have seen countless teams talk about "respecting spirits", and the importance of maintaining the "sanctity of their resting place" but to me, it doesn't even need to go to that place. It's really simple, you should not be breaking the law. If there are posted hours, you only investigate during those posted hours, if there is a lock, don't pick that lock, if there is a fence, don't hop it! You are an adult, you should not be risking your job, your family, and jail time in order to "ghost hunt". 

But sometimes, the boundaries aren't always as clear. For example, here in Oregon, there is a chain of popular hotels, restaurants, and bars that have several ghost stories associated with some of their properties. This company has made it clear that they are not interested in hosting paranormal investigation teams at the majority of their properties, but because they are "accessible"  to the public through renting a hotel room, eating at one of their bars, etc I often see local investigators posting pictures of their teams at these locations. These investigators aren't necessarily breaking any laws, but this is still unethical behavior. This company has made it clear they don't want investigations, or teams publicizing their "haunting", so why disrespect them by going ahead and doing it anyway? Its one thing to take your equipment while visiting these locations, and another to go public with your excursions and evidence collected.

If you aren't sure about the rules regarding a location, you should always take the time to find out. If you aren't willing to call, that means you probably already know that you shouldn't be there.

This isn't about being a professional investigator, or respecting spirits, this is about being a responsible, law abiding member of society. By drawing attention to accessible not abandoned locations, you do nothing other than increase the possibility for damage, vandalism, and other illegal behavior. There is nothing more frustrating than visiting my local cemetery and finding 100 year old headstones in pieces, and beer bottles littering the grounds. Do yourself, and your community a favor by being responsible.

All Work and No Play...

I have been a busy lady! I am back in class for Fall Term, and taking a Digital Photography class. I am hoping to better my own skills for both personal, and paranormal use.

Photographic evidence is one of the most heavily faked types of evidence, and I am hoping that over the next year I will become better educated and able to better review my own evidence.

But for now...

I have been having fun playing with my Full Spectrum camera, and thought I would post a teaser! 

Full Spectrum Cat Pictures...I mean this IS the internet after all...


Katie