Happily Ever After

As a young girl, our heads are filled with stories that end with "Happily Ever After", that magical turning point in life where all your troubles are swept away. Often, these stories circulate around a love story, and that turning point is often the moment when two people finally come together, totally in love, and ride off into the sunset. I was raised to believe that happiness can be attained, and that once you find it, its yours. Around this time last year, I was incredibly unhappy. I was at the point of complete dissatisfaction with everything around me, and I wanted change. I was determined to put together all the pieces needed to reach my happily ever after, and no, this was not solely about romance. I wanted to find out what I needed to do to make myself the person I wanted to be, needed to be, to be happy.

I decided that I would make a list of resolutions for the new year, and for those of you that are groaning at the happily ever after crap, and the fact that I make new years resolutions, hang tight, Ghost Girl isn't totally pathetic. In fact, starting this blog was one of my resolutions...among the rest were things like "be positive", "go out more often", "attend a Blazers game", "break ties with the negative people in my life", etc. With these resolutions, I found a new motivation for my life and I felt that much closer to finding my "happily ever after". I found a love for the Portland Trail Blazers, and spent many nights in the cheap seats, cheering enthusiastically for a team which played mere minutes from my house, but that I had never taken the time to follow. I joined a new paranormal investigation team, where I found new faith in myself as an investigator, and for the first time in a long time, I felt respected in this field. While I may have promised this wasn't solely about romance, I didn't say it wasn't a factor. I'm sure you can imagine the struggle of meeting someone when your nickname is "Ghost Girl", and you spend your free evenings in the local cemetery. So, I did something that surprised everyone I know, myself included, and took up online dating. I hate dating, I am a socially awkward nerd, and I was admittedly terrified of putting myself out there. But I did it, I received countless creepy emails, far more hate mail about the paranormal than I could have expected, I was stood up more times than I care to admit, had my fair share of bad dates, and never found love. I did however find a new sense of hope, while I may not have had any success this round, I learned that even I, the nerdy girl with social anxiety, could handle dating. With all these resolutions, I saw my life change in ways I couldn't have imagined, and I have realized that I have changed too.

Now, a year later, I found myself feeling somewhat defeated. I felt as though I had failed to reach my ultimate goal, because I hadn't found all the pieces to complete this puzzle that was happiness. So, I was at the drawing board once again. I began crafting new tasks for myself, making a checklist of all the things I thought I needed to accomplish to make me happy. Among these, were things like "get a new job", "make more money", "lose weight", and some more trivial things. While I did this, I wondered when I would finally reach this goal I felt I was so tirelessly pursuing. Somewhere along that train of that, I had a moment, you know those "A-ha" moments like Oprah has, and I realized that my thinking needed to change. I was frustrated because I had set for myself an unattainable goal of somehow having all the pieces of my life, perfectly aligned at once. It was this school of thought that made me forget all the happiness I had along the way this year. I focused on all the work I had put forth, and instead of being proud of myself, I was upset, because I felt owed a happy life in return. You know those dumb quotes, the ones people are always plastering on greeting cards? Well, I am about to use one, if you don't like it-bite me,  here it goes: Happiness is a Journey, not a Destination.

I will never have a"Happily Ever After" if I am looking for something that I can put together that will satisfy me for the rest of my life. I am ever evolving, and my idea of happiness will have to keep up. I can be happy for the rest of my life, it just won't come from making myself, and my life, "perfect".  It will come from finding happiness in my life, even in the imperfect moments. I am so much happier with who I am today, than who I was a year go, and I want to maintain that trend. That drawing board is calling my name once again, this time to craft a better set of resolutions for the coming year. I am so looking forward to it.